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Willowsporks:Return of a father,Return of..cliches( you don't need this to indicate a flashback, it should be done through the words
I stood there in my room, peering down the hallway at the front door, where I saw my mother speaking with a man wearing a uniform and my Uncle Scott. I didn't understand what they were saying since I was too young, but when I saw my mother gasp and cover her mouth, a look of terror flitter across her face, I knew it was bad. Both my mother and the man exchanged a few more words, and then he left with a look of regret on his face.
Two main things:
First of all, the beginning is way to rushed. Try to start with something that indicates it was a flashback from the get-go, but don't rush like this.
Second, try to use better word choice. Thesauruses exist for a reason. Instead of 'terror' (which indicates fear, not sadness) try something like 'anguish' or 'forlornness'.
Make use of the skills you learned from English class, about writing poetry. Use similes, metaphors, even repetition .
Try to give
Love-Driven Battlefield DeliriumShe always was on his mind.
Why was that, anyway? She wasn't particularly beautiful. She wasn't even very normal; she didn't think the way he did. He relished in normality, drank it in like the air he breathed, and he choked on wisps of oddity.
Odd? Is that what she was? Well, no, not exactly. That's not quite the word. Unique, no, there are bound to be others like her. Somewhere, even though he doubted he would ever meet someone that took the word to its boundaries as she did.
Perhaps, could one call her abnormal? That word's a worse fit; it makes her seem like a ghost or a witch rather than a girl like her.
Atypical, Bizarre, idiosyncratic, peculiar, God damn it! All these words meant nothing! They showed nothing. He loved words and yet they will never be able to anything for him here, in this instance they are the most useless thing in the word. They can't embody anything of importance, nothing whatsoever.
What was the point of cornering himself in his mind like this...he
Bloody Lucy and the Lonely Field MouseIt was a breezy day, the wind tossing my hair out of its braids. This hair had brought me so much conflict and unhappiness.
It wasn't flame red like dad's , or ebony like mom's. It isn't mouse brown, or chocolate brown, or honey blond, or caramel colored.
Blood red. A dark, eye-burning red.
It's what got me the nickname "Bloody Lucy". They love to taunt me. I hate it. I hate this hair.
A strand flies into my face and I fly into a fit. For the millionth time, my hand flies to the scissors in my backpack, and I tug it in front of my eyes. I'd love to see the evil strands flutter down. So what if wouldn't make a difference? I want it gone. I want it to stop flying in my face, like it's silently torturing me. I raise the scissors in a fluid motion and I hear them snip, watching a large chunk of my hair float to the ground.
"What're you doing that for?" I drop the scissors and turn, my hair in half-in braids and chunks dangling in front of my face, the newly cut section bang-like
Louis Jonas Marshall Interview1.) What gender are you?
I'm a guy.
2.) What is your age?
3.) Do you want a hug?
Ah as much fun as that sounds, I think I'll stay here in my personal space. Also, I'd appreciate it if you stay out of it.
4.) Do you have any bad habits?
Er, I tend to stutter and use things like 'uh' a lot. I have some pretty screwy speech patterns, ya know? So that's one thing. I grind my teeth a lot because I'm terrible under pressure. I can't even solve a simple equation when the whole class is staring at me.
5.) What's your favorite food?
I like simple noodles. I have to make my own food because I'm always moving back and forth between my parent's house so half the time they forget I'm there. So I just eat that because it's what I eat the most.
6.) What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?
I like dulce de leche ice cream.
7.) Are you a virgin?
What kind of screwy question is this? I'm going into eighth grade, so unless society has totally gone down the drain, I thought you could deduce that y
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